Losing someone is never easy. Sometimes you don't know why, so you go through all the possible reasons through your head, eventually coming back to the first possible reason you thought of, creating a circle of justifying thoughts. You try to push it to the back of your mind, but it's still there, lingering in the dark. It drives you crazy. Months go by and you are still wondering why you lost that person. Finally, they talk. You're ecstatic. You carefully choose what words to say to them because who knows when will be the next time you speak. You find out the reason they lost touch with you and it is not your fault at all. It was them. They had issues. It was nothing to do with you. Then, that circle of justifying thoughts stops. You are torn between happiness and grief. You just spent the last couple of months beating yourself up for potential mistakes of what could have happened. It was wasted time, wasted thought. Then, incredibly, you feel selfish. Were you trying to make it all about you? Something you did? Perhaps there should have been thoughts as to what they were experiencing. Now you feel bad. It happens. But, wait, you are happy they are talking to you. Now you're torn even more. You're feeling more emotional than you should. Worry about them now. The worry about you is over.
"Every moment of your life is a chance to get it right." -Monotov's Private Opera by Third Eye Blind
Rant over.
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